For days when I don’t necessarily have all the energy to throw myself into some exercise, I need a fallback.
Ever since I began exercising regularly, my formerly erratic living habits have become more predictable. In a depressive episode, I find it harder to exercise, and I grow hungrier as though my body is trying to gain what it is lacking in energy through food. It doesn’t work, and I only grow more tired. Yet denying myself food is not the answer either: though food is far from an ideal solution, the alternative is a complete lack of energy.
I’ve found that I can help myself by exercising, even if it’s just a little bit a few days a week, in a way that is as easy as possible. It took me awhile to find such a thing, but it did exist.
I am no one’s idea of an exercise or sports addict. I’m an indoors person through and through. Though I enjoy a good hike or swim, and enjoy being outside, most of the time I would prefer to be curled up somewhere peaceful with my music and a book, a show, or something with which to write. Since in depressive episodes, writing becomes more difficult, music, books and shows are more my speed.
So I incorporate this into my exercise. I find it hard to focus on exercising while watching a show, so I don’t do that often. But I have found that if I have a book with me, I am able to keep up some forms of cardio for up to an hour even when depressed and lacking in energy. It depends on the form of cardio, certainly, but I’ve managed this on elliptical machines and various types of cycling machines. This doesn’t mean I keep the exercise physically easy: I crank the resistance up to a point where it is a challenge, but still manageable for an extended period. Then I focus on my book, absently working my body to the beat of the music. When I first started trying this, it surprised me to realize that somehow, this enhances my concentration on the book. Depending on the book, I can read up to 400 pages in an hour (no skimming or speed reading involved).
I try to choose my books and music carefully: nothing gloomy, but also nothing too deliberately designed to give myself an adrenaline rush. I highly detest manipulation, even when the manipulator is myself. So I have to focus on my enjoyment first and foremost. This tends to mean that my workout music can be rock, pop, electronic or Celtic; and my books can be comedy, adventure or fantasy. I avoid books that I expect will be especially thought-provoking: I once tried to read 1984 while working out; this was my only unsuccessful attempt yet. After a mere 10 minutes, I had to give up trying to focus on the book and 10 minutes after that, I let myself stop trying to exercise.
I set myself goals: sometimes it’s the number of pages in the book, or the supposed “miles” I’ve “traveled” on a cycling machine, or the amount of time. Most commonly I use time. I set my absolute minimum to 20 minutes; my preferred minimum is 30 minutes; my basic goal is 45 minutes; and my self-congratulatory-but-unnecessary-to-achieve goal is an hour. Other details, such as resistance, are determined by how I feel at the time and what I feel is the most that I can handle.
The choices–in goals, in exercise type, in distractions–are all based on what is right for me personally. My legs are strong, and I grew up in a bicycle culture, making this the easiest exercise for me. (My arms are truly pathetically weak, so anything involving them requires extra effort and fortitude on my part. This is a worthy goal under normal circumstances, but not while I’m contending with the energy sieve of a depressive episode.) Though I far prefer swimming under ordinary circumstances, the lack of any possible distraction save my imagination puts a damper on using swimming in this case. The same goes for yoga (which is how I learned that trying to watch shows while exercising is perhaps not the best approach for me).
Great post!